If you’re in the cattle business, you burn cash fast on “feed”.
Those big beautiful beasts have got to eat and unlike us humans, it takes a whole hell of a lot to keep them full.
The average cow eats about 24 lbs of feed a day, which can quickly become tens of thousands depending on just how big of a cattle operation you’re running.
Because of this, cattle farmers are often guilty of feeding their cows super strange shit like… gummy worms, marshmallows, candy corn, hot chocolate mix, Kool-aid mix, chicken shit, ground limestone, sawdust, crabs (not the ones you might find on your balls) and… Skittles.
Taste the mother fucking rainbow.
Several years ago, there was a truck full of red Skittles that crashed and covered a road in a sea of crimson.
Upon further investigation, the Skittles were factory defects.
Apparently, someone got drunk and forgot to put the “S” on them.
“You had one job, Larry.”
Since they couldn’t be sold to the public, they were en route to being “donated” to a cattle farm somewhere in Wisconsin.
Mars, Inc. freaked the fuck out and issued a statement saying they don’t sell Skittles to cattle operations.
To their surprise, the public wasn’t all that concerned and was instead asking themselves the very thing you’re asking yourself now…
Wait, cows eat Skittles?
Anyway, I’m writing this edition of Stranger Than Fiction on cows and Skittles because I think the latter missed a serious marketing opportunity.
“No more Skittles for cows.”
Imagine the publicity… an advertisement of a cow festooned in Skittles, like a Christmas tree dressed in ornaments.
Moo for Skittles.
Suck on this, Chick-Fil-A.
Shelve the Skittles, Cows.
But, perhaps it would have received some backlash.
It’s of course easy for me to sit here, underneath my shaded umbrella, far out of the way of any public heat and scrutiny, barking criticism on what should have been done (see: Man in the Arena).
However, I do think there was something here… it’s not every day you discover some bat-shit crazy news like cows eating Skittles.
So, pay attention to your fuck-ups.
But, I digress.
By Cole Schafer.
Originally published at https://www.honeycopy.com on October 7, 2020.